Every year in the U.S., about 21,000 babies are stillborn — affecting about 1 in 175 births. Miscarriage, or the sudden loss of pregnancy before the 20th week, occurs in an estimated 10% to 20% of known pregnancies.
In east-central Illinois, hospital and community organizations aim to support families that experience pregnancy loss, stillbirth or infant death.
Rachel Campbell, a perinatal grief and bereavement liaison at Carle Foundation Hospital in Urbana, said it can be meaningful for parents to spend time with their babies, even after the babies have passed.
“People don’t realize they get to hold and bathe and dress their baby and take pictures and do footprints,” she said. “Even when [the] baby’s pretty small, we can still accomplish a lot of those things and we just don’t see people do that.”
Campbell described those moments as a sacred time, as both birth and death have a lot in common.
“I’ve been a labor nurse for 13 years. I’ve seen a lot of babies come into this world, but I’ve also seen a lot of babies leave our world, and it is sacred,” she said.
In her role at Carle, Campbell provides families with practical information on what they can expect from their hospital experiences and also provides information about support groups and resources in the local community.
One of those support groups for grieving families is Empty Arms, which meets at Windsor Road Christian Church in Champaign.
“We are definitely on the same team, so she [Campbell] helps get parents to us,” said Erin Beck, one of the leaders of Empty Arms. “She has become really good friends with a lot of the members of Empty Arms.”
Beck said Empty Arms was founded by two mothers who experienced miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death. After the pandemic in 2020, Beck and two other community members, Stephanie Helfrich and Jamie Summers, took over to continue leading the group.
Beck first joined Empty Arms after she lost her daughter Ainsley, who was stillborn on Dec. 22, 2014. She now facilitates monthly meetings, and offers support for parents after pregnancy loss or the loss of a child.
“I think the biggest thing is being able to validate their feelings, being able to let them know that they’re not alone. And the way that they feel is completely normal and okay,” she said.
On the first Thursday of every month, parents gather at the Fireside Room at the Windsor Road Christian Church. Beck puts chairs in a big circle and books and tissues on a table.
Beck said this is a safe and comfortable place for parents to share their stories, connect with each other and build relationships, because this is a group where people can understand each other with no judgments.
“I think a lot of our moms and dads feel kind of isolated, and they come to Empty Arms with a group of people who really understand what they feel like,” she said. “Whereas in their family or in their close friend group, even though they love them so much, they don’t quite understand how terrible they’re feeling.”
Beck said it’s important to let people know how they can find joy after their loss.
“I am talking to someone who lived the same path I live. And I just think it’s so important to be there for each other. Even ten years later, I am still grieving and I still hurt, and it’s so helpful for me to be around them,” she said.
Another group Campbell refers families to is Luella’s Lodge, a nonprofit in Oakwood that offers support and events for bereaved parents.
Campbell said that Carle Foundation Hospital aims to create a sense of community for grieving parents.
Every October since 2014, Carle has recognized the national Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day by hosting a Shining Light Memorial Service.
At the event, Campbell said families can also connect with hospital staff who held their babies before they died.
“[The staff] are some of the only people who ever saw their baby alive on this earth. Like I know what their baby felt like, I know what their babies smelled like and [sounded] like when they cried,” Campbell said.
Around 130 people attended the Shining Light Memorial Service this year, Campbell said, either online via livestream or in person.