With Thanksgiving just around the corner, many are making plans to spend time with family. What is supposed to be a peaceful family gathering can sometimes turn into a nightmare due to political disagreements.
One in five voters said political disagreements have hurt their relationships with friends and family, according to a recent poll from the New York Times and Siena College.
In light of the recent presidential election, politics may be unavoidable — but there are a few things people can do to help keep the peace around the Thanksgiving table, said Allen Barton, an assistant family studies professor at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. Barton’s research focuses on finding new and effective ways to promote the health and well-being of individuals and families.
People often speak to family members in ways they wouldn’t speak to others, like those they work with, because there’s a different level of comfortability, Barton said.
He encourages people to try to keep conversations physically and emotionally safe by enabling others to share their opinions without invalidation or criticism.
If you notice the conversation going off the rails, Barton recommends acting as a thermostat. Unlike a thermometer, which only reflects the temperature in the room, a thermostat helps set or adjust the temperature.
“If things start to get really heated and intense, what can I do to lower the temperature of the room? That’s the idea of being a thermostat,” Barton said.“When things are cold, try to raise the temperature to bring some warmth. And when things are too hot try to help cool things down.”
Barton said acknowledging what’s within your control is also important. Individuals cannot control what their family members are going to say — but they can control how they respond.
For U of I students, Barton points out that Thanksgiving break is only a week — and most days, students don’t get the chance to see their family.
“It might seem like a long weekend, but in the grand scheme of things, it is still relatively brief. If you go back home for Thanksgiving break you’ve got a week. And you’ve got a lot of other weeks you’re not going to be there,” Barton said.
Having a strong supportive family environment leads to many positive outcomes, he said, so it’s important to find ways to make positive connections with family over the holidays — and it doesn’t have to be a strenuous task.